It Is Hard To Forgive

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

5 Reasons Why It Is Hard To Forgive

Anything that betrays your trust and love in a person is hard to get over. More so because the person who did that to you was someone close to you. You allowed them to come close and they caught you off guard.

Now, you are left there with all those terrible memories. You are hurt, you are angry, and you have vowed to never, ever forgive them!

But the problem is not forgiving them is not going to teach them a lesson. It is not going to rake them over the coals for what they did to you. Nor will it bring you justice or set things right once again. All it is going to do is keep amassing your bitterness and anger. Pretty soon, it will be all you have left.

Nevertheless, forgiveness cannot be done overnight. It is a process that takes time and a lot of effort. Here are five reasons why it is so hard to forgive.

You Cannot Open Up About Your True Feelings

Opening means being vulnerable and exposing raw wounds. So, what is the alternative? Just stay quiet. Staying hushed up and keeping your emotions bottled up is many people’s go-to reaction.

You know that saying ‘out of sight, out of mind?’ That does not apply here!

The problem is that when you do not open up about your feelings, you make it extremely hard to forgive whoever wronged you. You feel like you have been backed into a corner with no way out.

Because when you are not talking about emotions, they do not just go away! They will never disappear into thin air.

They stay put until you are ready to let them out. To do that, you need to get a trusted friend you can confide in. You can also seek therapy or counseling where you will get the support and help you need.

You Cannot Control Your Anger

This is the opposite of the first reason. If you feel you are not able to forgive because you lack anger management, you are not alone.

A lot of people are gripped by blinding anger. That makes forgiveness a challenging thing to come by or accept. Then you allow anger and rage to take over, the only thing you want is revenge. That is all you can focus on.

The problem with anger is that it distracts you from the real problems. It clouds your judgment and makes forgiving impossible.

You Do Not Want the Person to Get Off the Hook

Many times, our grudges are meant to be a punishment for the person who hurt us. It gives us the illusion of power and control over our feelings.

However, that punishment is rarely ever effective. The other person may not even be aware of your grudge, or even that they offended you in the first place. They are just living their life, while you are left with a heavy burden.

One of the hardest things about forgiveness is acknowledging that it is not about the person at all! When you forgive someone, it is about how you can finally move on with your life. It is about letting go of all the resentment and learning to accept what happened without judgment.

Forgiving does not exonerate them, and it does not get them off the hook for what they did. The sooner you realize that the sooner you can take the first step toward healing.

You Do Not Want to Risk Disappointment Again

You are afraid that if you forgive, you will be vulnerable. No one wants to get hurt or disappointed a second time, even if it is at the hands of a different person.

So, you do the logical thing: you shut yourself off. You do not forgive, you do not forget, and you do not open your feelings. More importantly, you do not give other people the slightest chance to get close enough to you.

According to expert psychologists, this is a well-known defense mechanism. It is aimed at keeping safe from future disappointments. While that may be true, it also keeps you walled off from living your life.

Before you can learn to forgive, you must realize that life is messy. It has its difficulties with its fair share of happy days and not-so-happy days.

You Feel Misunderstood

How can you forgive if you feel you have not been heard? If you feel misunderstood, it is often easier to justify holding on to your grudges and resentment.

You keep fencing yourself increasingly in. The higher those walls go up, the angrier and more bitter you become. It is a vicious cycle that goes on and on.

Yet, in your mind, you do not see any other way out. Letting go of what happened becomes harder and harder. And if you feel the need for them to hear you out, you will never be able to let go. They did not treat you right, so why should you forgive them?

But, by holding onto all that rage and hurt, the only person you are hurting is YOU! Is not it time you started showing yourself the kindness and compassion you deserve? It all starts with forgiveness.

It Starts With YOU!

#ABetterMeABetterYou

#Freedom2Live

I Am Jeanne Muhammad Your Global Happiness Expert